Name : Thomas Hell a.k.a.
Missy Hannalya
DOB : Dec 4th
HT : Tampin, NS
CL : Cyberjaya, Sel
Ocp : Student
Fld : IT
Seeing Me
The World of Thomas & Missy
GayGay && LesLes
Friendster
Special Event
A-S-I-P-L
I love you... I truely do...
The Cast
My Past
Tuesday, December 04, 2001
(140105)
I love you... Can you love me? Why am I dare not letting you know what is deep within me???
It started when I have feeling towards someone... I feel that I will be rejected and I dare not let her know... On the same time, I feel that I am not suitable with her... I wanted to love someone deep enough to even sacrifice my things to her... but sadly never is there anyone appreciate me for being who I am... as so, I had chased girls away from life others then those that know who I am... I'm afraid of having it again... again... again...
I'm UGLY!!! She will never love me... (falling on my knees... crying sadly...)
I know myself best... I have dark secrets... I have things that can ruin the future path of many human... That's why I'm ugly... not only from my face features and build up plus my body build up that is weird as my bones are weirdly build... Girls does not simply accept people with many weakness and is problem by so many things... They are not and never will be prepared to love someone they never know that is so ugly... so ugly... so ugly...
I LOVE YOU!!! But what can I do?!?!?! All that is left for me is just looking at you from here... Wishing you happiness from the dept of my heart... coz I still LOVE you...
I was looking at her... she was far upon reaching... too far... too far... as she was with others... others that is interested in her and wish to have her... They are far better then me... as they know her better and she's to them... I can only watch from afar... seeing her happy face smiling while being with them... She is happy without me... but with them... wth them... with them...
(230105)
Without knowing who you are, I've fallen for you... Seeing you everyday, wishing for you to glance at me... Only hoping for a chance to say I LOVE YOU... all because I know that we're destined to be together... I LOVE YOU, MY DEAR...
I've seen her... I know her name... yet I do not know about her face to face... Every time we met, it is only me that notice of her existence... yet she never know of my existence... Having fallen for her for so long not because of her beauty... but her uniquity... She is just perfect, the most perfect alive... By just looking at her, I can be sleepless yet energetic... She is the angel... The Angel of My Heart... I can't loose her... I can't...
(300105)
I love you, but you rejected me... He doesn't love you, yet to want him... Why is this world so unfair?!?! Isn't love goes by the law of hardworking?!?!
I brave myself to tell you the truth because I love you so much that I cannot hold my feelings from you any more... I never thought you are such a person...Why? I tried so hard to please you and what did I get? A rejection!!! Why?!?! Why can't you give me a chance to prove myself to be a worthy lover? WHY?!?!?!
(020205)
Your name came into mind day & night...
I see you whenever my eyes are closed...
I smell you when your favorite dish is served...
I feel you while holding the bear you bought me for my birthday...
I feel your lips in tea...
I sense you every where...
Why can't I forget about you for what I am supposed to do and get on with life ?!?!
I know that I can't lie about the truth... because I love you too deep... I just can't forget about you... I Love You...
I couldn't resist thinking of you when life gets by... Your images seemed to flash through me whenever... wherever... It turned even worse when I'm all alone where I can hear your sweet voices and even feel your touch... How come such terrible things happens to me... Why couldn't I just get on with life forgetting you??? It's just simply because I Love You... I Do...
Life have been lonely without you, even after I have met her.
She loves and accept me, which I am too... but still... I missed you and wished that she is you... I still Love You...
After having you not around with me, I am all alone most of the time... eating alone... watching movie alone... sleeping alone... but eventually she came by... asking me for meals and movies... Gradually, I sense her feelings towards me... and I start to feel something towards her... but I know that it's not a strong true love that I have for you... and I accepted her... not because I love her... but to give myself a chance to live... and to thank her for her sacrifice for me... but all the while... you're still within me... since I LOVE YOU still...
(130205)
I once know what love is... but now... I know nothing of it...
All the time when I'm with you... I feel your love for me... and I know my love for you... simply because I wanted to protect you for eternal life... but after loosing you... there's no aim for me in life... even with her around, I doesn't know what love is for me to her... I do not feel the essence to protect her nor to take good care of her...
(270205)
The bright shining moon eventually turn dim...
Dimmer then the torch that is burning on the edge...
Quarrelling with her down below the starlight makes the moon sad...
She is now crying with the moon...
She is not alone... at least the moon is with her...
But I'm all alone... the stars doesn't even shine anymore...
She eventually found your existence... and question what of me to you... As I am not a good liar, I told her the truth and she turns sad... and the stars and moon watched over us with our quarrelling... Rains starts to fall and turn heavy as the conversation turns worse...
She ran away... right after I shout at her... teling her you have got nothing to do with things... and she slap me hard on left...
Is this what is called love? Which cause hatred and jealousy?
But those are not what I have for you... I wish to protect you and care for you... as I LOVE YOU... ... ...
(050305)
A LETTER in hand... slowly reading it... While a BEER at hand... slowly sipping it...
It's a letter from her... Un-standable she is... Breaking-Up's she want... I'm all drunk...
After our quarrel, I did not went to her and calm her down... I sat alone on the balcony looking up into the starless sky... the clouds is still thick with the moon so dim... I try to think correctly... but all that comes is only you...
Days went on and I still have not gone to her... because all that came is only you...
Received a letter from her friend yesterday... but I did not read it until now... with my beer at hand and the letter on the other... I read them without feelings... even with all the wet spots on the paper... because I never have any feelings for her...
She is asking for a breakup... but she does not dare to confront me as she is too broken to confront me... She ran away from me... but she looks at me from far behind... I crashed her... she's no more who she was... the happy shy lucky girl is all but a dark gloomy dirty ugly widow who had have her family lost all of a sudden... I've taken away her future from her...
My existence in the world had proven to be disastrous!!! Just simply because I LOVE YOU...
(070305)
Looking at the broken string, my heart aches... The moon never shines again... nor the stars showing themselves to me... Lightnings rumbles through the clear sky... as the wind grew stronger... Dark clouds came swiftly... as the earth rocks violently... Waters were never calm... as hearts were broken... lives were taken... but my LOVE for you are still strong... as it never will fade... even after deaths... as I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH...
As days go by... I'm all alone again wondering every path of life after she left me... but it doesn't matter as I still have my love for you...
I saw her just one day... as she was looking at me from darkness... When I try to reach upon her, she ran away... trying to avoid me... and was sadly knocked down by a running car... I hold out to her trying to calm the situation... but only heard her last breath...
The string was broken... by my own hand...
I sat there, holding her, motionless... quietly, tears dropped out into her eyes... and a stream of tears flows from her face to the ground... as sources joint together, the flow became fast and swift...
The clouds gathered, mourning for her death... Thunder rows, calling her name welcoming her to the high heavens... Rain falls, cleansing her body and soul for the entrance and gathering with LORD... Leaving me alone holding an empty shell... for the sins I've done to her... As she kissed me farewell on the forehead... waving as she leave... all that I can do is looking down... avoiding her happy face...
It should have been me that should be dead... Why her? I asked lord... Why not me instead? But it was never answered... as the rain grew strong with the thunders joining the celebration of happiness...
I cant hear anything... nor see with my eyes... with the sadness in me but the happiness around... as the last breath swung around my head...
After all that had happened, my LOVE for you are still strong... because you make my life colourful... It will never fade... because you cherished my life and make it meaningful... even after death... I will have my love left for you... as I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH... I will always wait... waiting for your LOVE to be cherished again... Henry...
(100305)
Life would have been right but its not just because I LOVE YOU far too deep
Science after she passed away theres nothing more left of me and for me
Sitting under the clear sky the stars and the moon smiles brightly on me just like shes watching me afar I tried to drunk myself but was always in vain rather living right, I run away from it setting my path to demolition
Clouds never dare to show themselves since then not willing to cleanse me body with the rain it brings Stars and moon were laughing at me constantly laughing at my soul of stupidity and act of idiotic Sun never shines on me leading me the road of darkness towards destruction And the wind that blows every where signaling me that theres no where for me ever again other then the same road that Im standing the path to death
(140305)
The sea washes the shore... washing away the past and brings on the future... cleansing the sands with every wash it brings...
Starless and Moonless by the sea... as the sea washes the shore... the endless cleansing ceremony brought me along... finally I was able to be cleanse... A hand hold out to me... LORD finally accept me to join him...
As the intoxication pass away, a bright light flashes pass with a figure... a nice relaxing perfume, a soft touch, a soft voice... my angel had awaken me to gather with thy FATHER... ... ...
(190305)
Wounds heal as Angel touch... Dead were resurrected as she sings... Holding out to save those that held strong faith for Thy Father...
I was not dead but rather saved... by Angel... as LORD rejected my path to return... As was on the road to recovery, Angel visited me frequently... enlightening my path that was pitch black... It is Angel that wakes me up from all those dreams... as reality is why I have lost myself... because LOVING YOU is all that I can do...
(250305)
Sitting by the window, heavy down pour on the outside... Sipping a cup of hot chocolate, having Angel sitting opposite... Remembering the rain, the sun, the moons and the stars... I held out to Angel, only reaching out to her fingers...
I was with Angel when all of a sudden it rained outside and we were forced to hide ourselves in a restaurant. Both of us having a cup of hot chocolate sitting opposite each other... by the window side. While chit-chatting, I looked out at the rain... still strong and ferocious... like the day... the day she bid me farewell...
Thunder claps as hard as it could reach... just to remind me that I am still at fault... And I can see the wind... blowing away hopes and bring in despairs...
The longer I stair, the more I left Angel and began to feel the pain and sadness of the pass... and tears start to fall... slowly...
She reaches out to me... only to know that pass was never easy to get through... and future are always pain and sadness...
I held on to her hand... only to know that present is still bright... and the future will never be the same...
Holding her hand... I felt a hard object... only to know that I have to let go...
(130705)
The rain come and goes, again and again... Showing itself as if like passerbys looking over us... She is not around anymore as the rain took her away... As time goes by, we bit farewell only to have tears and sadnes following us... Everything changed like the sea washing away the shores of tomorrow... Nothing will be able to turn back the time... not even the GOD... Angel was never fated... Never...
We had to bit farewell even with me having so much love for her... As we were only fated to meet... but never to be together...
(070107)
Caramel... brown in colour... is not the best match for most things... but matter not... as even with such plain sole look nor prettiest... what matters is the taste... sweet... so sweet in the mouth that it touches every heart of every man... sweet in the mouth and even sweeter in the heart... being touched by your sweetness making me liking you... and even loving you more... caramel...
Knowing her makes me feel welcomed in a whole new world after leaving so far apart my home and land... With her greetings and welcoming warmed me up knowing this new land have yet so many to offer for a lonesome me that is constantly searching for love... knowing that someday... somewhere... there will be one that will never saddens me again... With her warm smile and generosity eventually makes me fallen in love with her... but knowing that she already been owned telling me chances is no more...
Looking at caramel... my dear love... melting apart... from the treacherous heat... tears my eyes... for even my rock hard tears are incomparable with your precious diamond tears... which is so precious... shall never even fall... and dreadfully not for such evil deeds... caramel... you will forever be the sweetest... in my heart...
Seeing her being hurt with lies sore my heart... knowing that I can do not much for her but only comfort and words... having to see him breaking her heart and melting the diamond tears of hers makes me sad and angry... for the sweetest her never deserve such treacherous treatment from such lousy a him... All I can try now is to mend the broken heart... and cool down again the sweet caramel... so it does not water away...
(170107)
Chocolate and caramel, both though taste good on their own, was never meant to be blend together, knowing that it will not taste good... for that, chocolate was rejected of his love to caramel...
The bitterness of the chocolate became so intense... so dark that it is not enjoyable anymore...
Only the sweet caramel can once again sweeten the now dark bitter chocolate...
Love not being accepted is still hard to face even predicted...
Crushing so hard that it hurts so deep only to wait for a time or chance to move the heart again...
I do not know why I write out such thing... maybe I'm in love or maybe not... who knows... who knows... I am now searching upon love... but the chances never seemed to come at all... ... ...
Those that I seek for never comes... but those comes are never what I seek for... ... ...
Lives were never what is thought... it will come with what is never thought... ... ...
The words written are just mere fictions that I managed to think out from time to time out of the things I see... and the feelings I feel on things I see...
ŦĦÃÎЧ &
& Mï$$Ñ
2 Thoughts:
you're in my blog
Daily Feed
SpLendiD-IsoLatIoN
simontalks.com
heavenly's blog
Eliza Lee
Once a Blue Moon
Whale Whale Story
Thinking Aloud
Gopi Nambiar
EvenStar (C)
Hottest Blogger
Just Linking
5xmom
ROJAKS DAILY
DreamingBubBle
slicker_84
Jowen's page
Stepping aside for Reality
Kuzco Daily
Just Search
Connector
Counter
thank you for dropping by althought i wouldn't say whatever you've dropped, was something... nevertheless, thanks anywayz. when u said it sounded fake, it might be. i wished it was.
but anyhow, i'm a stupid story teller... hahaha...
Nice one... I doubt I can make a post as long as yours...
Ei BTW...
Can you make your font bigger next time ? I'm sure you'd know that I have a serious case of myopia d0-0b